Fight with all your Might?

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I do feel there is too much “positivity” in our culture. There is too much onus on being strong, fighting and surviving tough times. Of course we want to come out of it the other side, and we want to end up more resilient but we also want to be comforted and accepted in just the state we are in. We can’t do that with the barriers up and the armour on (that’s for special occasions!). When, instead, we feel through our emotions, we often need support to do this and there should be no shame in that. To be truly listened to is an incredible experience. When we open up to someone with truth and authenticity it awakens something in the other person and a deeper emotional (and spiritual) connection is made. Maybe there is a sharing of common experience and a recognition – “yes, me too” – but just as important is to hear someone simply say, “that sounds so painful.”  Plus, it just feels good to help another. Thanks to our amygdala our brains are wired that way. My personal journey through life has taught me that there is more healing in sharing the load than there is in staying strong. I get it wrong so many times but I was able to put this lesson into practice when one of my son’s had a painful experience. My default as a mum is to want to take the pain away, to take it on myself instead. But that takes away my son’s experience, invalidating it. Instead, I tried to feel his pain with him. I listened, and had no answers for the questions he hadn’t even asked. We didn’t fight it or try to put a positive spin on it, we felt it together until he reached the other side.

It’s a privilege to be shown someone’s vulnerability, to be given that trust. I know this because I have found it scary when I have lifted my own mask. There is no beauty in fierce independence, just a long hard struggle to maintain it. If you fight with all your might, there is no energy left for anything else.